Bullocks with Butterflie Wings

“God spoke to me today, while I was doing laundry.” – me

Posted in Uncategorized by MommyTaco on 22 December 2012

“God spoke to me today, while I was doing laundry.”

I realize that at times, things I say come across as fairly random, with a touch of sarcasm and wit. This thought I had today has inspired me for the first blog post in… I think nearly two years.

Things have obviously been pretty busy around here, and my social media life has all but fizzled to nothing. You know how much I love the internet and keeping in touch with lots and lots of friends, but there really hasn’t been the time to – and more often of late, no desire.
 It’s starting to get even busier around here, as our family is preparing for our first “real” military PCS move. I call it our first “real” one, since relocating to Ft Bliss/El Paso was really just moving the family to our first duty station with the Army. Beyond that, it’s just been house-swap moving, and lots of it. This is the first house we have spent more than 18 months living in, and I am actually going to miss it.

In preparation for a huge move, I’ve started sorting through stuff in our garage. The bulk of it is old clothes that I planned on fitting into shortly after I was pregnant with our son. Also, there is every single piece of baby clothes that I had for our son, from birth to about 3 years old. I planned on having re-purposed them by now, not them still in a tote nearly 7 years later. Which brings up the sore-subject of the miscarriage I suffered from at the beginning of this year.

I started dwelling on the fact that we would have been getting ready to celebrate our baby’s first Christmas. At this time last year, we had just found out we were pregnant and had our first (and only) ultrasound just two days after Christmas. Talk about an exciting time along with the wonderful feeling of Christmas!

I have decided to sort through the bins and take a lot of things to donations. We won’t be able to take all of our stuff with us when we move, so I have to make sure we are not taking more than necessary. Also, I would like to make sure the things that go into storage are things that we really will need or use in the next 2-3 years. Unfortunately, we cannot guarantee we will get pregnant while we are gone, so we are not taking all of the baby clothes – there is just too much. And on the off chance we do have a baby while we are gone, we will have to buy new clothes anyway. So instead of storing it for “maybe” for the next few years, we are going to give it to those who have a need for it now.

As I was emptying out another tub of baby clothes into the washing machine, I started to dwell on the fact that most of the clothes I was holding are the sizes that our baby would have been just beginning to wear. I subsequently began to bawl my eyes out.

But then, I had a sense of calm come over me, and a thought came into my head – “You *WILL* hold her one day.” Now I have never been in the presence of a burning bush, so I have not had any great Biblical style experiences of hearing God speak to me. But I truly believe that He was speaking to me in that moment. For the past 11 months, I have suffered the question of whether I will ever hold another of my children in my arms. And what happens to our babies when they are taken from us too soon – is it for ever or do we get second chances with them? And I feel like that question was answered for me today.

In that moment, I have been given hope. I have had amazing opportunities brought to me this year, which I would not have been able to consider if things had gone differently. And now, our family is getting ready for an amazing adventure. But I know that one day one of the adventures our family will be experiencing is the welcoming of a new family member. I can’t wait to meet her.